Blood dripped from the paper cut and down onto the note she had been writing. Jade cursed. Why did one simple note have to be so hard? Tear fell from her swollen eyes as she grieved the loss of this relationship. She had for all intents and purposes just slipped the noose around the hangman’s neck. It wasn’t going to work; this marriage, she knew it and somewhere deep down so did he. They were two very different people, not so blinded by love as they had once been. The thick red substance began to seep through the thin paper. Her words of rejection no longer visible. Dread filled her, making her stomach knot. Jade didn’t want to have to do this in person, not to Michael. He was too sweet, too sensitive to handle this kind of conversation.
That was one of the reasons they didn’t work…Everything was about him. How he felt. What he wanted. La-de-fucking-da, Jade thought her finger still bleeding. She had needs. Things that she wanted…feelings that were being left unmet. It was frustrating to say the least…but that didn’t make leaving him any easier. After all five years was a long time to just walk away. She wasn’t even sure if she really could but she had to venture out into the big wide world and see. She needed to know what it would be like to be underneath another man. To have a man take you. To have her deep seeded needs meet.
She had never dreamed she would be contemplating terminating things with Michael. All it had taken was one chance meeting. A meeting that had made her blood red hot and there hadn’t even been any sex. The man was a friend of a friend and he was visiting from out of town. Jade could still remember the smell of his aftershave and the look in his bright blue eyes as he spoke to her. Even now, with just the fading memory Jade felt her core clench as her sweet, hot liquid, began to seep down into her panties. Jade knew it was wrong, to be so turned on at this moment. She felt like a whore, a cheap nasty whore and yet she wanted it, the promises the stranger had made where eating away at her. She needed to know about this other world. A world where sex wasn’t all confined to the bedroom.
Her bags where packed wanting for her at the door…all she had to do was write that Darn letter. How was it, that this ending up being the most difficult thing. Jade sighed, if she didn’t start figuring out how to word ‘I am leaving you soon’ she was going to be forced to say it in person. Sure it was a coward move but it was the only way she was guaranteed to make it out. Jade paced, her teeth holding her bottom lip captive as she thought. Her finger nails digging into her palms as the frustration grew.
Michael opened the front door, almost stumbling over her bags. A quizzical look upon his face. Those piercing brown eyes penetrating her line of thought.
“Oh shit,” she muttered under her breath. The one person she had hoped to avoid was now staring at her. Jade’s chest grew tight, as though she couldn’t breathe. In a very calculated way Michael closed the door taking a step towards her.
“Going somewhere?” he mocked, watching Jade squirm. Her throat was suddenly dry rendering her unable to speak. Michael ran his hand though his sandy hair. Frustration or maybe annoyance was written all over his face.
“So…” he started, taking another step, “I take it those bags aren’t there because you’re going on a holiday, then.”
Jade was suffocating, the tension in the air putting extra pressure on her chest. Tears were flowing.
“I can’t do this anymore, Michael…” she managed to choke out. He fist was suddenly through the wall leaving a huge hole.
“You can’t do this…You!” He began, those eyes growing blacker “What is it you can’t do…huh. Tell me jade, I am all ears, because for the life of me I can’t work out what it is you can’t do, oh besides house work and argh finding a job…and let’s not forget the fact that you can’t cook.” He snapped moving closer towards her. She knew he was hurting, those words were his weapons…like always.
“Michael, I don’t want to hurt you but let’s face it this isn’t working.”
“Why is that Jade, because it was working darn fine for me only minutes ago.”
“You can’t tell me you were honestly happy, Michael, we’re too different. We’ve grown apart these last few years…I need space.”
“I was happy Jade, you made me happy but clearly I don’t do the same for you.” He said as he slumped against the wall, his head in his hands. Jade hated herself for doing this to him, but it really wasn’t working. If only Michael would admit to himself how unhappy he had been these last few years.
“I love you so much Jade, tell me what to do, I’ll do anything to make you stay…anything” he wept. Jade’s insides were all kinds of messed up, she knew from so many pervious fight’s that Michael couldn’t change. Sure, he tried but he was never able to keep it going. He was who he was and Jade was who she was. The two of them together just didn’t gel anymore.
“I think we are past that. I need to find myself outside of us and the confinements of this relationship…please understand that.”
“How am I meant to understand any of this… Don’t you care about what you are doing to me jade? You’re killing me right know…I hope that makes you happy.” He hissed.
“I think it is time for me to go.” Jade whispered, tears still running down her face. Why did this have to be so hard?
Michael stood up, his arms reaching out towards her. Jade dodged him the first time but Michael grasped onto her the second time. He was holding her close, one hand on her lower back the other at the base of her skull.
“Don’t go, Jade, please, just don’t go.” He whispered as his gazed down upon her. One hand reaching forward to wipe away the tears. Jade shuddered against him. He was going to kiss her. She knew it was his feeble attempt at making her stay and yet, a part of her wanted him to. She wanted to feel some kind of passion from him in a kiss. And as his lips touched hers mental alarm bells sounded. It was wrong, the kiss wasn’t going to help the situation only make it worse. As much as she hated to do it, Jade placed her arms onto his chest and pushed him away.
“Michael please, give me the time I need to find myself.” She pleaded her voice shaky.
“Go ahead. Runaway Jade, it’s what you always do.” Michael opened the front door “Just know that if you step out that door…then that’s it, jade. I. Am. Done. You feel me Jade…D-O-N-E” he spat out the letters with pure animosity. Jade stared at him, her mouth open with surprise. She could see he was shaking all over. Carefully she moved past him so that she was on the porch. Some neighbors were already gathering, trying to look casual as they watch this free show. Abruptly one of Jade’s bags landed on the front lawn, soon followed by the next one. She turned, Michael was clearly seething inside. No doubt he never expected her to walk out the door.
“Have fun finding yourself” With that he slammed the door in her face. The neighbors were all gawking, their tongues practically hanging out of their mouths. Jade swore she wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of crying. She held her head up even though inside she was crumbling; picking up her bags she walked to her car and hopped in. There was no point in dwelling, it was time for her to move on.